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Santa Cruz Style


March 7, 2004

Offra Gerstein: How to think positively for love

Maintaining a good relationship with your partner is more within your control than you may believe. One important area that you are in charge of is your thought process. Keeping you thoughts positive maximizes the chance for a healthier connection.

Feelings are automatic results of thoughts. We can not create the feelings we desire, but we can produce the thoughts that will lead to welcomed emotions. The relationship between thoughts, feelings and actions is linear. Good thoughts produce positive feelings, which in turn contribute to effective interactions between people.

When our partners act in ways that displease us, we may develop a variety of thoughts. We may think kindly about the possible circumstances that determined our partners’ unfortunate choice of conduct. We may ask ourselves whether we may have contributed to this outcome or we may resort to automatic negative thoughts about our mates.

Thoughts expressed in the following phrases create problems: "He is so selfish. She will never be pleased with anything I do. He is uncooperative. She is selfish. He is controlling. She always has to have it her way. He is irresponsible. She is immature