Santa Cruz Sentinel

Santa Cruz Style

Subscribe

Twelve years ago, my mother was dying from emphysema, brought on by years of smoking. She depended on me and my father for everything — feeding her, bathing her, dressing her, and so on. It was devastating to watch this once- vibrant woman lose her independence, and I am ashamed to admit I was not always patient or pleasant about it. It was a real burden to take care of her 24 hours a day.

Two weeks before Mom died, I had trouble breathing and went to see my doctor. He said I had pneumonia and the early signs of emphysema — also due to years of smoking two packs a day. My mother told me I would wind up just like her if I didn’t stop. I looked at her, helpless in her bed, and realized if I became incapacitated, there was no guarantee anyone would take care of me.

As much as I love my mother, I know how hard it has been to deal with her illness. If my father hadn’t been around, I could never have managed it. I cannot imagine someone being patient enough to clean, cook, wash, dress and feed me every day for years on end. It would be foolish to rely on anyone for such care.

I have not had a cigarette in 11 years, and after the first five, my doctor said my lungs were as clean as if I had never smoked. Tell your readers to ask themselves this question: "If I should become unable to work or take care of myself, who would take care of me?" That ought to do it.

— Judy in Dallas

Dear Judy: I hope the heavy smokers out there are asking themselves, "Could she be talking to me?" Thanks for saving some lives today.

Dear Ann Landers: I have been married to "Ralph" for two years, and I love him dearly. He is not close to my family. In fact, he doesn’t particularly like them. When we have family gatherings, Ralph doesn’t care to attend, but he does so for my sake. However, his behavior makes it obvious that he doesn’t want to be there. He barely speaks to anyone. If I leave him at home, I feel guilty, but when I bring him along, I am stressed out because he might start a fight.

I visit my folks about once a month, but my mother would like to see the children more often. I say Ralph should come along and force himself to be pleasant, whether he likes it or not. What do you say?

— Love My Family in Atlanta

Dear Atlanta: For heaven’s sake, leave Ralph at home. He has made it plain that he doesn’t wish to go, and there is no way you can "force him to be pleasant." Ralph will appreciate being let off the hook, and you will have a far better time without him. Problem solved in a way that should make everyone happy.

Dear Ann Landers: I just read the letter from "Heartbroken Mom." She said her 16-year-old daughter’s boyfriend broke up with her two weeks before the prom, leaving her with a new dress and matching shoes.

I wish you had told her that there are plenty of guys who would be thrilled to take her instead. They may not be on the "A-list," but she would still have a great time.

So what if the guy is a nerd or plays the tuba in the school band? I can tell her two things for sure. She will be treated like a queen, and any guy who plays the tuba certainly knows how to kiss.

— Tuba Player in Boston

Dear Boston: I have never been kissed by a tuba player, but I’ll take your word for it. Thanks for the testimonial, as well as some solid advice.

Write to Ann Landers at P.O. Box 11562, Chicago, IL 60611-0562.

Creators Syndicate Inc.

Drugs are everywhere. They’re easy to get, easy to use and even easier to get hooked on. If you have questions about drugs, you need Ann Landers’ booklet, "The Lowdown on Dope." Send a self-addressed, long, business-size envelope and a check or money order for $5 (this includes postage and handling) to: Lowdown, c/o Ann Landers, P.O. Box 11562, Chicago, Ill. 60611-0562. To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

Creators Syndicate Inc.

Subscribe